If you’re not a first time parent, bringing a new baby home won’t be anywhere near as worrisome as the first time round. However, you do have a unique challenge to try and navigate: you need your older child to accept their new sibling. This can be hard when they’re determined to be an only child for the rest of their life!
Indeed, it can be hard on older siblings when a new baby comes into the house. This new baby takes away time and attention they could be getting from you – that can cause jealousy, resentment, and a lot of bad behavior!
Of course, some kids might be excited to know they’re getting a new sibling! But once they’ve come home with you, their mood may change and they won’t be happy to see the new member of the family.
This phenomenon is why we’ve listed some tips below for helping older kids settle into their role as a big brother or sister. The more you prepare them before the big day, the easier this transition is going to be.
Talk About Their Sibling as a New Friend
Presenting a new sibling as a positive thing is essential to helping your child accept a new member of the family. As such, talk about their new younger sibling in terms of being their friend. For example, talk about the time they can spend together and the games they can play.
You’re not trying to cover up any potential negative elements here. You’re just trying to remind your child that it’s OK to be a big sibling, and that life will go on being as fun as it currently is when there’s someone like a new baby in the house.
If they still have worries, you’re free to talk about them.
Give Them Plenty of Chances to Share Their Feelings
Like we said, you don’t want your child to feel stifled by the idea of a new sibling. You also don’t want them to think that they’re not allowed to feel something ‘negative’ in this situation. That’s why giving them time and space to think about things, and then come to you to talk, is essential.
Having a chance to share your feelings is crucial at any age. However, if you want your child to accept a family expansion without too many tears and tantrums, let them speak about what they’re really feeling from day one. It’s hard to hear that your child doesn’t like the idea of another child being around, but you do them a real favor by listening.
Keep Them in the Loop
If you’re planning to get pregnant in the near future, it’s time to talk to your child about the possibility of them becoming an older sibling. Similarly, if you’ve applied for an adoption attorney consultation, ask them how’d they feel about having a new brother or sister. This will give you an early insight into what they’re thinking and will allow you to direct the conversation around this matter a lot better.
You should then go the extra mile to keep them in the loop. Every time you go for a hospital appointment, come back and tell them how it went. If you’re off to meet with prospective foster children (at an initial meeting they may not be present at), tell them who you met when you get home again.
The more honest you are, the better your child will feel about expanding the family in the future.
Don’t Deviate From Your Usual Routine
If there’s going to be another child in the house, your schedule and routine is going to change. However, your older child’s shouldn’t. Get them stuck into their usual routine as you adapt to living with a newborn or settling in with a toddler you’ve adopted.
Focus on keeping their life the same; brush their teeth twice a day, dinner at 6pm, homework before bed, etc. It sounds easier than it’ll work out being, but this will help your child to accept that life isn’t changing that much and there’s nothing to be worried about!
Try to Ensure a New Sibling is the Only Change
A new sibling is a big change. Just like the point regarding the need to follow the same routine, try to make sure all elements of their life stay as similar as possible. If your decision to have another baby coincides with moving house, which is very common, this could be the tipping point for your older child.
Keep big life changes like these to one at a time, and try to put 12 months in between each to allow your child to properly adjust to the differences. If an accident happens (as they so often do as well!), they’ll soon adapt, but this is something you should focus on trying to prevent.
Don’t Lose Focus on Them
It’s an unfortunate side effect, but it’s something to keep in mind. Older children can sometimes be pushed back and have the focus taken off of them when there’s a newborn in the house.
Yes, a newborn requires more care than a 5 to 10 year old, but your older child certainly isn’t going to see this as being fair! It’s going to be hard, but try to split the focus 50/50, or 60/40 at max. You can even do a few extra special things to remind your older child they’re still loved.
Expanding the family is a lovely thing, even with the amount of responsibility it takes, but will your older child feel the same? Make sure of this before you bring a new baby back from the hospital or you go out to foster/adopt a child.
Open up a dialogue, make sure your child knows just how exciting being an older sibling can be, and let them be honest about their anger, jealousy, and fear. Having these conversations now can save a lot of hassle and heartache later on.
