What do you think of when you hear the phrase ‘donor egg IVF?’ 

Perhaps your mind fills with images of petri dishes, needles, and ultrasounds? When you decide to use donor eggs, you may tend to focus on the medical side of the process. You may even find yourself googling phrases like ‘egg donation side effects’ or ‘success rates of donor egg IVF.’ 

All too often, women undergoing donor egg IVF forget the emotional side of their journey. They might become so wrapped up in the medical part of the process that they ignore the way they feel. 

However, emotions may play a more prominent role during treatment than one may originally think. 

Choosing Egg Donation Can Be Difficult

For many women, donor eggs are their best chance of having a child after an infertility diagnosis.

This knowledge doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice to make.

Choosing egg donation goes hand in hand with a certain level of acceptance. Acceptance you won’t have a genetic connection to your child. Recognition you won’t be getting pregnant naturally. Deciding to move forward with donor egg IVF often means letting go of a version of your life you may have been dreaming about for years. 

It’s okay to have a hard time accepting your choice; in fact, it’s natural.

However, rushing into the decision isn’t ideal. Allow yourself the time and space to weigh the ins and outs of this treatment option. Determine if it’s right for you and your partner before jumping in.

Only after you’ve come to embrace your new reality should you move forward with your cycle.

Is What I’m Feeling Normal?

If you’re considering egg donation or you’re already in the middle of a cycle, you’re probably feeling a rush of emotions. 

You might be wondering whether these feelings are normal – the answer is yes.

While it’s common to feel excited and happy about the steps you’re taking to become a family, not everything about this process is sunshine and butterflies. Other emotions donor egg recipients often feel are:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Regret

If any of these emotions are taking over your day-to-day life, or you think you’re becoming depressed, it’s essential to speak with your doctor immediately.

Common Fears About Donor Egg IVF

When patients feel these negative emotions, it’s often because they’re dwelling on common fears involved with using donor eggs.

• The Baby Won’t Feel Like Mine

Many women who become mothers through egg donation share a concern over not bonding with their baby. Rest assured this is unlikely to occur.

In most situations, the moment a woman’s baby is placed into her arms, the connection is instant. 

• The Baby Will Resent Me Later in Life

It’s not unusual for women to fear their child will resent them as they get older. In reality, your little one will grow up knowing how desperately you wanted a child and the lengths you were willing to go to have him or her.

There may come a moment when they’re curious about their donor, but most children never doubt the love their parents have for them.

• My Family Won’t Approve of the Decision

Despite living in a more accepting society, there are situations when fear of a family’s disapproval is valid. Some families are much more traditional and have a hard time understanding the choice to use frozen donor egg IVF.

You should educate the people around you and explain your sincere desire to have a baby.

When most families are confronted with the longing you’re experiencing, they’re more open to alternative options. However, if this isn’t the case and they still don’t accept your decision, the most important step is to do what’s best for you.

There’s No Right Way to Feel About Donor Egg Usage

In a perfect world, there would be no complicated emotions about using donor eggs. We would decide to try and be happy about it from day one.

While this sometimes happens, it’s not the status quo. Don’t fret if you’re feeling anxious, sad, or angry about the need to use donor eggs – you’re not alone and someone else is sure to be feeling the same way.

It’s important to give yourself time to process and focus on what you’re accomplishing – finally becoming a mother.

Guest Contributor